Weigh It Out: My Obese Story

m1

‘BIG N’ JUICY’, doesn’t have to mean a burger! ~Pernisha G. 🙂

I was BIG N’ JUICY! The end… Ok, so seriously, I was ridiculously over weight for someone with no children, major stresses or responsibilities, no unmanageable time restraints, and most importantly NO EXCUSES. I had absolutely no reason to be as fat (yes more fat than muscle) as I was allowing myself to be. Did I feel big or fat? NO! Did I mind a few extra pounds? NO! But unfortunately, it took for me to start losing things I valued about myself and the people around me before I considered living healthier. Would I mind gaining extra pounds now? YES! These past few years of my health journey have been precious and very emotional. Sometimes, speaking about my weight (although the size didn’t really affect me too much), takes me back, deep into the struggle. Sacrifice, discipline, and consistency played an enormous role throughout my entire journey. I had no idea how to master these key things, but there was only one thing left to do, pray.

It all started when I had parents who didn’t know much of anything about being healthy about anything, the end! Sense the sarcasm here. My grandmother, m2 who raised me the earlier years of my childhood, sometimes fried her stale or expired foods in heavy oils and lard, and unfortunately, all the cooking came from a not-so sanitary kitchen- I’m talking roaches all through the cabinets, hanging out on all of the good canned foods some churches give you if you stand in line long enough. When it was time to snack, my grandmother spoiled me rotten, allowing me almost every visit to the ice-cream truck, and pleasurable frequent trips to the corner store to buy potato chips, candy, and soda, um-hm. Not “hating” on my grandmother ability to raise a healthy being, but she was a serious smoker and deadly drinker, and she only associated with people exactly like herself- unhealthy. If I’m remembering clearly, she had been told several times by her doctor to stop drinking and to possibly lower her smoking. She was always popping several pills at once, and she had two joint surgeries. Right before she passed, two days after Thanksgiving 2008, her doctor and prescriptions confirmed she had diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, kidney problems, liver complications, and the rest (of which she and her doctor, thanks to “patient confidentiality policies”, wished not to tell anyone), were unknown.

After turning eight years old, I moved in with mom. I had a younger brother to look after, possibly some cousins depending on the day, and we were left to nurture ourselves until my mother arrived home from work eleven at night. On a good day, the refrigerator was filled with fruit, whip cream, granola bars, chips, fruit juices, sodas, twinkies, noodles, pepperoncinis, sandwich cheese, sliced white bread, kool-aid, pork, chicken, and some other non-sense in the freezer. We were not allowed to eat all the healthy foods too fast because we needed “to learn how to conserve”. On a not-so-good day, I will always remember the whip cream and pepperoncinis being the only items left in the fridge, the combination of the two were quite interesting. As children, we ate what we could, and always waited for the good stuff, like MCDonalds. Eating fast foods became normal as we got older. From pizza to burgers, greasy french fries with loaded pastrami sandwiches, BIGGIE SIZED sodas, big and beefy burritos, fried shrimp shrimp shrimp, and “chicken” nuggets- the b.s. was getting good! Almost every time I ate I would eat to get full, and I wasn’t satisfied until my belly was uncomfortable in my clothing.

aburger stamifries donaldsnuggs burritos

Eventually, I GOT FAT! My eating habits had gotten so bad I was eating in the middle of the night, and I ate only because I knew the food was there. But after while, regardless of how active I was in school, my weight started to increase and began showing through the clothes I wore. In high school, I remember going from “thin” to “thick” in less than a year, from 135lbs-175lbs. I was still eating the cookies, the candies, the potato chips, the b.s. I mean, there was a lot of b.s. to go around, obviously! {Where I come from, the last thing on any parents mind is feeding their children nutritiously enough to keep them satisfied; which, by the way, is a great way to kill your kids.} By my senior level of high school, all of my teenage stresses and stressors were very overwhelming, to the point where I had no appetite, and when I did eat, it was never the best selections.

m3Through my early twenties, I started taking baby steps to get my weight down. I was dancing, but wasn’t consistent. I was learning how to “diet”, but wasn’t disciplined. I went out to eat very often because I did not want to sacrifice trying new foods like the Angus Burger. Once in 2008, my blood test had revealed that my bad cholesterol levels were in a higher range than normal. I knew the levels were high because of my dying love and fantasies of cheese. I again stepped up my activity level, but it didn’t last, until I started to lose what I had admired about myself; my eyesight, weird I know, but everyone around me wore glasses full time and I had the perfect vision. In 2009, my vision started blurring, and the optometrist admitted that my declining vision could be a result of me not eating properly. I left his office very teary eyed, mad that I was killing myself even more. However, the year 2010 I had a HUGE breakthrough. While I was trucking 215lbs+, I became surrounded by a group of individuals at my desk job who were doing various things to SHED THOSE POUNDS! Once I saw a close coworker going from Toula to OhhLa, I immediately lost who I was (or who I had become). I tagged along with my coworkers for a few free fitness classes, and then bought a scale to start tracking my progress. Once I saw the ounces dropping I could not and would not stop, take that take that. m5 I started watching YouTube videos, doing my own research, creating deadlines, creating sleep schedules, getting active, journaling, changing my grocery list, and then the BIGGEST sacrifice of all happened, I STOPPED TALKING TO PEOPLE. Anyone or anything that I felt that would NOT be supportive to the cause I practically drop out of my life or didn’t associate with them as regularly as I was used to doing. I didn’t need to go out to eat, I didn’t need to just “hang out”, I didn’t need to spend unnecessary money, I was doing something a million times better than going out and getting fatter- I was staying in and getting smaller. I’m remembering right now, the more unnecessary people I dropped, the more I progressed, and as they slowly came back into my life, the longer it would take for me to reach my goals, (now aiming for 18.5% bodyfat). Friends, family, coworkers (who were not motivating me to push forward to greater health), were all very distracting; mentally and emotionally, I was allowing them to weigh me down. Who or what is weighing you down? 

m4I am still so happy, so proud, and so very blessed to say that I have less than 80lbs+ on my beautiful body, and for a couple of year now!

I am not a doctor, I am not a preacher, and I am not the weight loss genius. I am someone who simply just wants to help. That means if you have to drop people, places, and materials, and replace them with everything and everyone that helps you stay healthy and sexy, DO IT! You have nothing to lose! You will always be the winner for choosing to do everything in your own power to stay healthy inside and out! Regardless of what your health status is, I wish you all the very best and greatest success on your trip to amazing health. ~Pernisha G.

Ps. It’s all Love.

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One response to “Weigh It Out: My Obese Story

  1. Pingback: What I Ate To Lose Weight | For Thee Love·

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