I know, it’s been a while, and so much has changed and transpired in my life; but I do believe it is all for the greater good; and I will pour my heart out unto you soon!
This morning (sitting in my bed/couch naked, covered in comfort), I prayed my usual prayer, for God to let me be productive this morning. Shortly after, I felt all of my thoughts beginning to weigh me down. So I reflected on where could all of these emotions, conflictions and confusion be stemming from? There was guilt, lack of happiness, lack of accomplishment, urgency, and immediately, tears.
That’s when I spoke out louder, asking myself where is THIS moment was stemming from. Unfortunately, it has been building over time, and now “I have the time” to work through it.
My answer came to me loud and very clear:
With more self-love, I can continue to seek the happiness I desire. Most of my dis-eases have been growing from the lack of love for myself. Do I love myself? Uh, YEA!!! But, it is always important to continue to build that love into something higher and untouchable and unbreakable.
During my instant discovery 🙂 I questioned why I have been put here on earth and where my focus should be. Unlike usual/passing times, I decided to answer differently; I simply thought positively; thinking about where I have come from, and what I was doing that many of my family and friends were/are not;
I AM BREAKING CYCLES.
I am discovering self-love, I am respecting myself, I am single without children, I am being celibate, I am facing my fears, I am listening to my God, I am developing Pernisha, I am worthy of an extraordinary marriage, I am facing my demons and not living my life with them, I am contesting instead of keeping quiet, I am choosing to increase my faith, I am learning to leave my judgment behind, I am dedicated to living life higher than I have even been shown, and etc.
Though it has always been natural for me to do the opposite of what is “required” or has been “shown” to me, I had never realized the complete difference I had been making all along. And should I have seen this strength in me sooner, I would have prayed harder to develop it (so I have begun that today).
And now I am beginning to understand what others see in me and why they treat me like a “special case” sometimes; it takes unlimited amounts of courage to live, to think, to develop, to create – outside the “box”; yet still facing ridicule, criticism, and non-believer.
What will it take for you to build up your courage? ~ Pernisha G.
Ps. It’s all Love.