Undo discomforting moments before you need to redo them. ~Pernisha G.
With my impeccably vivid imagination, I clearly remember it like it was yesterday. Lee looked at me straight in the eyes. It was always hard to face his glorious smile and those big captivating hazel eyes – and lets’ not forget that sensual southern accent he carried. In class, while learning to bartend drinks, I had finally gotten my shot with him, and I tried to carry on our conversations using as many words as I could remember, but he spoke the most. And I will never forget some of his final words to me; a complete stranger who he had known for only two weeks. “We will meet together again…” and it was at that moment where I hadn’t realized, that I needed to get out of my own way.
Unfortunately today, the gorgeously young and charmingly talented actor, Lee Thompson Young commit suicide for reasons still unknown. He can be seen in this YouTube clip as the breakout star of Disney’s Channel’s, “The Famous Jett Jackson.” Though I knew little of him, Lee was dear to me. I reminisced about our short time together in bartending school often. I had even searched him through social media but could never seem to come back in close contact with him again (being the tv star that he was). Then eventually, I had given up; remembering how he promised we would meet again; not thinking for one minute that promise wouldn’t come to pass (or perhaps, not in this world).
I was about 22 when I first met Lee. I was so shy and so nervous because he was so cute and so funny and sociable, and of course, extremely down to earth. But now that he is gone, I wonder what it would have been like if I had just gotten out my own way and said what I felt, meant what I said, and been there as even just a friend. He told me he was far from home, I felt him. As an artist it looked as though he was doing the best he could at that time, until the big money came around, I felt that too. He smiled often, but I felt something more. And if I had just gotten out of my own way, I would have used my God-given talent to get personal with him; to know what he was thinking, dealing with and missing, if anything. That’s not to say I would have saved his life; that’s to admit that I didn’t do my part and at this time I am seeking God’s forgiveness. Who knows how my words would have moved him, kept him, inspired him, and filled him; who knows? I’m unsure of what he was feeling or contemplating but perhaps, many like him, like me or you, can relate and understand how tragically heart wrenching it is; to be distant from what makes you feel at home, to be unheard when you only need to be listened to, to not feel comfortable enough to trust someone with what’s clouding your vision, to not understand the reasoning and purpose behind all of your sacrifices and hard work, to feel rejected and ejected at the mercy of others, to feel there is nowhere or no-one to turn, to be so lost in yourself and your battles that you completely forget that life is much bigger than your own personal temporary circumstance, to feel that you are not worthy and to dig a hole of such pity that you can’t get out, to hate your life, to just want to give the hell up! Many times, I have climbed out of this hole, and only because God had thrown me a rope and kept reminding me, this life isn’t about Pernisha. Regardless of how I’m feeling and what people smirk about, and scheme about behind my back or in front of my face, I have a job to do. God connects the dots and I am only to ask Him, “What would you like me to do for you today?” while I keep my eyes and ears open, my heart full, and my flesh working for Him.
But God knows, that if six years ago when I met Lee, and I was not in my own way, I would have smiled passionately back at him, encouraged him to follow his dreams with much more Pernisharism (you know, that quality of making someone want to get up and be something greater than their situation), and given him my contact information just in case he had nothing or something to say.
R.I.P. Mr. Young, until we meet again, as promised.
P.s. It’s all Love.