8 Scary Clues You’re Staying Single For 2014
As much as you tried to fake the funk last V-Day by posting pictures of your fabulous hydrangeas and pink roses on Instagram and Facebook, I am not a fool to believe that you didn’t go to your nearest grocer and purchase your pretty little arrangement on sale! I mean, if your guy really knows you, he’s going to spend his cheddar on something much more valuable than red roses and pasta from your closes dine-in. But aside from the petty story you tried to fill us with to believe your “hunny” is so into you, we (yes me and you) have a much bigger problem on our hands; you’re SINGLE! The second issue is that, you don’t want to be. However, you can’t seem to find your way out of lonely-ville. Me, being a gracious as I am (ahem…), I’m going to stir you in the right direction by giving you my two cents on why you’re single in the first place; and hopefully, we can avoid you being the only soul at the family Christmas party stuck hiding in the restroom from the brats of the parents who thought you’d be their personal day care attendant!
You’re In A Darn Fairy Tale: That’s right Snow White! You are waiting for your Prince Charming to come sweep you off your size ten feet. And he’s going to be perfect – a man sent from the heavens above. He will be tall, dark and handsome with straight unstained teeth, have great hygiene, drive a luxury car and make you laugh every time he enters the room. He will wipe all of your cares away with one stroke of his magically gentle pinky finger and be at your beck and call when and wherever you need him. When you’re feeling down, he knows the right words to cheer you up. When you’re lost, he finds you. And when the world is cold, he covers you like the sun in the Sahara, keeping you warm and sheltered. Though we all love a Mr. Perfect, he isn’t. He comes with just as many flaws as you and I. It’s his life’s scars that will continue to mold him into the perfect man for you (or the next woman). On your next date with him, look into his eyes and not secretly at his missing wisdom tooth or his 1995 Honda Civic he can barely fit in.
You’re Ms. Perfect: Sowwy to admit it, but I have come across many of you who make yourselves seem higher than what you are really worth. You believe nothing is wrong with you. “I have it all together; the perfect career, the perfect family, the perfect car, the perfect wardrobe, shoes, bag, savings account and Facebook status.” You are just too darn perfect and NO ONE can tell you otherwise. You are too closed, arrogant or prideful to hear others honest critics about you, even if it were God himself telling you. “But God, you said my mind is your mind so obviously I think thoughts like you, and therefore this prayer is perfect!” Your perfectionista ways could easily make a man feel that whatever he does will never be perfect enough for you – you are incapable of satisfying. And, who wants someone who has it all figured out already?
You’re Insanely Simple: You wake-up. You shower. You eat. You work. You watch some TV or read a book. You’re off to bed. Repeat. Unless you’re into attracting insanely simple guys, (which is not often the case), I suggest you put a little extra pep in your morning shower. You’re life should be as colorful as that bouquet you were using to perpetrate for the big V-Day (see above). Get out the house and live. Ride a bike. Take a dance class. Go on a hike. See a new movie and right a review on it. Volunteer at your local church. Go visit that new hydro car wash everyone is lining up for. Take a cooking class. Whatever you do, don’t hide all of your fabulousness under a pillow. And while you’re out being active, nine out of ten times, Mr. Right is going to fall right on your lap or vice versa.
You’re Emotions Never Appear: I hear my friends say this often, “Well, I would tell them how I’m feeling if they tell me how they really feel.” I’m very expressive, so I’m easily irritated when I hear their “woe is me” statement. You are responsible for your own actions, and it is almost impossible for two people to be together, or stay together if they cannot openly express how they feel about each other (good or bad). I’ve heard of many potentially amazing relationships die before they ever started because no one wanted to “come out” and be vulnerable. However, two very interesting things will happen when you bite the bullet and “say it with your chest;” either the other party will say they feel the same way, or they will say they don’t; and at this time you can decide whether you want to stay around for a potential change of heart, or you can move forward without them, creating space for someone better. What good is a door if it’s always closed, right?! Now open up, you wall you!
You’re Expecting A Marathon: We all know men love a great chase right? But not all men love a drowned-out, gasping for air and could possibly faint at any moment, race. Not every man owns a stellar pair of running shoes. You might have a nice pair of Asics and can go for miles, while he laces up a worn-out pair of Nike’s and can only go a few more blocks. A chase is only good if both parties are running in the same race. If he calls you, answer the phone or call him back the same day. If he takes 1-hour to reply to your text messages, take another hour or two to reply to his. If he says, “I want to see you,” agree with him by saying, “that sounds good to me,” and then let him take the lead. No man likes to feel like he is losing, so be ok with following behind him IF you are enjoying his direction.
You’re His Distant Bud: I can definitely relate here. I call it the safety net. You want them around long-term but you just don’t know how to express this. As a result, you display very little intimacy. You barely call them. You never suggest going out with each other. It’s almost as if, they’re a long-lost friend! Try turning it up a notch by inviting them over for a tasteful dinner you’ve concocting. Or perhaps invite them to that new lounge your friends are raving about. If it looks like they can be a keeper, get out of your comfort zone and break the ice. A great clue that a guy is into you is when he keeps coming around, and around, and around and… are you dizzy yet?!
You’re His Scary Stepmother: You communicate with a man as though he is a child. In all of my lifetime, I still have yet to hear a man say, “I love being talked to like a baby. I feel like the man!” What a nice little contradiction that would be. But you my dear, scare them all away with your, “do it and do it now or else” attitude. Naturally, women do not like to be pressured into doing anything against their will, so why do you force this behavior on someone who should be seen (or might, one day) as your equal. We can’t have two baby-adults raising babies. Try switching up your lingo with, “can you pretty please,” and “can we pretty please,” or, “it always makes me super happy when you…” or, “I love it when you… it makes me feel like…” and speak softly and gently. Give him time to respond to your needs and remember not all things will or should happen on your time-patience is key. If he’s interested in you as much as you think he is, the only thing he wants to do is make sure you’re happy and that doesn’t require your nagging!
You’re A Square: Or a circle – whichever you’d like to choose. However, you’re definitely aren’t as flexible as a rubber-band. You bend or break NEVER! You have a set schedule or routine and nothing can come in the way. You have more fun going to bed on time than you would meeting out for a quick date with a potential partner. You are sometimes similar to the “Insanely Simple” woman and have no or very little spontaneity in your life. But the last we checked, you didn’t have any children, a church service to attend, or even someone to cuddle with late nights. So what’s the hold-up? Get up, get out and live a little more freely. Not every date should be scheduled, and weekdays aren’t just for work hours and meal prepping. How’s a guy to know how outgoing and open you are if you never go out of your house when he asks you to?
Maybe you’re all of these women, or maybe you’re one or two. Whatever the case, you’re at least one of them and you have plenty of work to do. And if not, well, get ready to light up the spring with your hot, spontaneous, always on the go self!
Care to be bold and share in the comments which woman you can relate to? I’m listening…
Ps. It’s all Love.