July 2, 2014
Sometimes I feel alone, like no one cares about me – I have a hard time relating to the outside world. No one knows how it feels to be in my shoes. Sometimes I feel frustrated because I get so stuck and caught up in what I want my future to be and it’s not existing fast enough for me. Sometimes I don’t have patience. Sometimes I feel like nothing even matters – I just want to give up and say f* everything. I just want to throw my hard work away like it doesn’t live in me, like it never existed. Sometimes I feel confused. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing and where I’m supposed to be – is my vision even clear. Sometimes I feel like I’m hard to understand. As a matter of fact, I can be hard to understand; I have a hard time expressing myself. And sometimes, that makes me angry. I want to be understood, but sometimes I just don’t know how to. Sometimes I think I know everything and I really don’t – I just sometimes feel that people are good at lying, and I only need to believe myself. Sometimes I am invisible and sometimes it depresses me. I want others to know that I am here and that I exist. But other times, when I’m ok with being invisible, it’s because I am completely overwhelmed, and I wish people and my thoughts would just leave me the hell alone! Sometimes I wish there was a cave I could hide in, and I would only come out of it when I wanted and needed to. Sometimes I get really mad at God. No one knows I am, but Him. I get so hopeless and disappointed because I don’t know what His plans for my life are; and I like to be in control of how my story goes. So I get uncomfortable knowing that He is the controller of the outcome of my life. And sometimes I feel like most of the answers and the right directions should be handed to me. Sometimes I don’t want to work for anything. I just want to live, to breathe and be happy and make other people happy. But sometimes, it’s not easy – at all! Thankfully enough though, when I am high and excited about life, when I am existing and not resisting, I don’t ever think about how good enough I am not. I only feel how great enough I am. And I am seriously looking forward to many more of these days of my life. I am glad to know that the sometimes (when I am not at my best), that it’s just sometimes and not all the time. I am also mature enough to know that every sometimes is a lesson and an open door for me to improve the moment; for me to increase the power that lives in me. And that’s how I become stronger and more efficient at living. And that, I know I am capable of doing!
Have you learned to overcome your sometimes? If not, it’s ok! I won’t judge. It took me a minute to get here. We all move on different wave lengths. If you have mastered your sometimes, I‘d like to know in the comments below!
Talk to you soon,
Ps. It’s all Love.