You think you know your mate, but you have no idea! For whatever reason I choose to not discuss at this time, I have had “happily” committed men attempt to categorize me as a ‘side chick’ or mistress. Their girlfriends or wives (sometimes) had absolutely no idea they were reaching out to me inappropriately. However, from experience, I know men are not the only cheaters alive. Us women do play a major role in the cheating world. So if you go so far as to THINK your mate could be cheating on you, or if you’re tired of being stepped on, here are seven signs to start investigating now!
It’s true! HAIR GETS EVERYWHERE! So if you’ve been seeing every hair except yours, it’s time to ask some questions. Hair is a definite sign something is going on behind the scenes. No matter how much it’s cleaned up, hair travels to the highest and lowest of places. A great place to check for hair is in the shower, in/on the car seats, on clothes, in the bed sheets and the carpets! I once went over a guy’s house and saw three types of hair: mine (short and tightly curled), long straight black hair and very short red hair. Whoa! Really dude! Can we say, “bachelor of the year”!
Do you keep marking your mate ABSENT?! Unfortunately, if your partner in crime is no longer present in the relationship, truth is, they might be fully present somewhere else. You know the saying, “if they aren’t here, they must be somewhere,” and not where you are! Maybe the morning kisses have disappeared, the random love notes have stopped, the cuddling in front of the T.V. has turned into being in two separate rooms, or they are never there. The intimacy is vanishing slowly and it might be time to spice things up, or call it a total quits.
That “going out with friends” line gets very old after a while. So does: keeping the phone on silent and faced down, holding secret conversations, not adding you to their social media world and not having completely terminated their Plenty of Fish dating profile. If this is on going (and your relationship is no longer new), your boo is still SINGLE. You should have instant access to everything that involves your companion. Whether you choose to be apart or not, when your access is denied continuously, someone might have something serious to hide. The upside in this case is that they fear losing you; so manipulating the situation (keeping secrets and being mysterious) is the only way to keep you around. But luckily, you have ME!
Those damn CELLPHONES! A cell phone plays two serious parts.
When the phone rings, what happens after that is a gate opener for warning signs. Are most of the calls being taken in front of you, or are they being held outside on the balcony with the door closed, in a whisper tone? Let’s assume the best and say the conversations are close enough for some smooth ear hustling. Check the tone, the body language and chime into the voice on the other end. Now unfortunately, men in particular have two tones and obvious body language when talking on the phone. Watch closely. When his friends are on the line, his voice will get as deep as Barry White’s and he will move around anxiously like he has something important to do or say. But if a woman is on the other line, his tone will be borderline smooth talker to nonchalant to not set off any alarms in your brain. If a woman is indeed on the line, his eyes will sit low as if he is imaging her – like a dog when he is in trouble, there will be no eye contact with you. How is the body language? Are they trying hard to look relaxed? Alert! Alert! Women are the complete opposite. We will blush right in your face and then kill the conversation within five minutes or much less. If these suspicious habits go on for some time, maybe you should dig deeper and ask some questions.
In the case of the cellphone: if it’s faced down 75% of the time, consequently, something is being hidden. My ex used to keep his phone guarded all the time. It was never out of his site. If it was charging, I was not in the same room at the same time. If it wasn’t on the charger, it stayed in his pockets or out of my face and reach so that I didn’t see any of his dirty little tricks popping up on his screen. Ummhmm! The cell phone is always a dream killer. What you think you have with your beau, can always been confirmed with a cellphone!
They are a SOCIAL MESS! Social media is an awesome EXCUSE to stay connected to random strangers who do not matter. If most of your partner’s comments and likes are being shared with particular type of people (the Boris Kodjoe or Nicki Minaj look-a-likes), an investigation should be in the works. I am going to be flat-out honest, most of the cheaters I come across either inbox me on Facebook or send me Direct Messages via Instagram. Their strategy is gradual. They ask a question or speak on something I have shared via social media – then they start saying things like, “what’s been up with you?” to get more personal. ANYTIME the conversation shifts to something more intimate, it always turns into a, “can I call you?” or “we should meet and talk about it!” What they don’t know is, at this moment, I have already shared this information with my friends as active witnesses just incase “wifey” comes knocking at my door. I believe social media is becoming the #1 culprit for unhealthy and unhappy relationships. Many people are attracted to a fantasy of what they see without fully knowing someone. I don’t know. I guess it’s something about the way I bite my triple cheese vegan burger with my pink lips and a wide mouth. Who knew?! However, social media gives unlimited access to ways of cheating and without getting caught. This is why YOU TWO must stay connected!
You are always wrong! You will never be right! You are GUILTY! If you are always being accused of doing something you don’t do, your beau has something to hide. They are using reverse psychology to make you feel guilty about the wrong they have done or are doing. They push you away and make you feel insecure and uncomfortable. They look for any way to do this. Any small argument becomes a big one and leave you feeling like a piece of crap. …Until, one night I showed up unannounced at the party where he was, and saw her sitting on his lap. Umhm! Chris Brown is right! “These hoes aren’t loyal”! Male or female, unless they are willing to change their hoe-ish ways, you cannot “turn a hoe into a housewife” or husband for that matter!
Hopefully I have answered some of your infidelity questions. If you sense something is going on behind closed doors, your intuition might be trying to warn you. But don’t be a fool. Do your own investigation. Ask questions. But most importantly, be honest and communicate with your partner all the time. Communication is key!
Have you caught your partner slipping? I would love to hear how in the comments below…
Ps. It’s all Love!