Happy New Year!
What the f* am I doing?
Taking time to reflect and listen to Don’t Touch My Hair by Solange Knowles. I spent a night figuring out what in the hell am I doing. Where am I going? My life seems to have taken turns with my approval – getting on board and trying to sail two ships have been the highlight of 2016.
I kept pushing myself to find clarity and have patience. I haven’t gotten anywhere – that would be a lie. I’ve gotten to this point and it has encouraged me to continue moving forward. For whatever unknown mom brain reason, I decided to pick up a husband and a baby along my journey. I’ve always said it would happen. I thought I prepared myself. Apparently, no amounts of preparation would teach me to overflow in love, simplicity and kindness.
I had to learn the qualities they don’t tell you when you’re just dating or romancing. The Bible teaches; a love forever requires less frustration and resentment. My husband. My child. My love for them and myself is forever through the trials and testaments. I have agreed to be tested because only the competent and resilient can survive.
I don’t have any intentions on landing on top anymore. This life is not only for me, but for those that are closest to me. I rise beside them. I am with them even though there has been a pull in the other direction. I believe God has set His intentions for placing these beautiful souls in my life. It is time that I trust Him some more. It’s time that I love Him so more.
But, where the hell am I going?! Haha! Wherever I want to go.
So long I kept myself discouraged behind closed doors. I kept thinking my life would get better on it’s own – I get what I desire by waiting and having patience and trying. Best delusional statement I have ever loaded myself with. The way life is set up, you literally have to get up, get out and take something. God blesses those with abundance because they have set themselves in motion. They are always moving, and going, and seeking and expecting there will be mercy for their perseverance.
From experience, that is the truest statement. I was washing my ass the other day, and I fought myself for one moment not to workout – out of laziness, out of procrastination. I’m out of procrastination! My intuition said I would be blessed for my consistency. Behold! I was. I saw what I needed to see. In the time that I’ve been feeling the most put away, set aside, awkward, I was blessed with the truth. I no longer have a reason to cast myself in the shadows of my own living room. I don’t have anymore free time to give. My ass is too sore from sitting all day. (Obvi, I love my ass). My mind has never been more tired from running wild all damn day. If I want to delight in seven course meals and sip fine red wine at my table, I must physically prepare and deliver the feast – well seasoned, of course.
Are you eating? What do you bring to your table?
Who’s bringing what to your table?
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